Shit my Niece Says

Cailin, now 7, has a way with words. She has always had a creative, magical imagination, and is a born poet, cynic, and is preternaturally perceptive. She also has some great nick names, like Big Ears, or Crazy Bird. She’s my kinda girl.

Since the TV Show Kids Say the Darndest Things everyone thinks their kid has the market cornered on cuteness. However, Cailin’s frequent observations have an edge that make her really special. So, without further ado, I’m introducing the page “Shit My Niece Says” to keep track of them.

1. “I need a new nose Mommy. This one is leaking.” (age 3)
2. Upon being woken up by her younger brother: “HARRISON! You KNOW I need space to wake up in my own time!” (age 5)
3. “I have to go now Mommy. I don’t have a job and I need to take the kids to the casino.” (age 4)
4. “The state of this house. It’s so FRUSTRATING.” (age 3)
5. “I don’t like this cheese Mommy. It’s too smoky. It’s too…. San Francisco-y.” (age 5)
6. “Mommy, when are we going to go to Winni-cochon?” (age 5. Hint: Shane’s family is in Winnipeg, Cailin just started French Immersion, and cochon is French for pig)
7. “You’re not a REAL doctor, Auntie.” (age 3. That one left a mark)
8. “Mommy, I have to go bathroom.” “Can you hold it, baby?” “Okay Mommy. Okay Mommy I hold my bum. I hold my bum, Mommy.” Pause. “I think bum likes it.”
9. “Auntie, is the reason you don’t have a baby in your belly because your boobies aren’t big enough?”
10. Honorable mention from Harrison: “I don’t want to be a scientist. They’re always the worst people in the neighbourhood.”
11. Back to Cailin. “Mom, can we talk about prison again?”
12. Upset that Heather is going to work: “Mommy,  how come you always get to be with you??”
13. About a new leapster game: “That should keep me quiet.”
14. Waking up in the morning: “Today I feel purply.”
15. While being scolded: “Mom. Breathe.”
16. Offered the phone and asked if she wants to talk to Papa: “No. I have to go call my lawyer.”
17. “Mommy, [some girl at school] doesn’t like me. But Mommy, I know that she’s the only one who can control how she feels. And if she wants to be unhappy and not have any friends that’s her choice.”
18. “Where does skin come from?”
19. While eating edamame: “It’s like the beans are being born!”
20. “I’m boiling tired.”

Hannah is getting some honourable mentions:

21. Looking at a cloud: “It’s a boat. It’s a sky-boat.”
22. Looking at a big cloud: “It’s a playground cloud.”